Rishikesh and the Retreat

08/05
This morning we are leaving Haridwar to go to Rishikesh, a pilgrim but also hippish town since the Beatles came here to meet their guru in the 60s, it is now officially known as the world capital of yoga! We struggle to get in a bus, full , really full and meet a group of Israelis and Belgian people, we chat, exchange about Nepal, they all loved it, talk about the harsh reality of India, the stares, the poverty, the business, the garbage, the way we react to all of that....the journey goes quickly, we then take a rickshaw and try to find a nice place to stay, the first impressions are that the town is quite big, we were hoping for something smaller, there are few good areas for pilgrims and travellers. After inquiries, we end up on a hill, on the high bank, a small area on a small hill overlooking the Ganges valley, in a very very cheap guesthouse, no electricity, an OK room, a big terrace overlooking the river! Sounds idyllic, well think again...the view if we look down is on a pile of garbage, it smells, the trees look naked and dead, the river is quite dry, it is very dusty and there are many many lorries on the road just below us!!! India again...
We go for lunch in a cafe around, take a small nap (we tried but impossible to sleep with twenty lorries a minute!!), Fab is so not enjoying it today, he hates it, feels freaked out, disgusted, annoyed and so full of emotions towards the country...I worry for him, he is not coping and is feeling vulnerable.
I have gone beyond today, I feel OK, more detached somehow, the days before I was suffering from the heat, the noise, the honk of cars, the dust, the massive sensory overload, but today I feel it will be fine....I think India will teach us many lessons and show us many paths, we will adjust and love this place!!! I try to clear my mind from the smell, the noise, the garbage...There is something in this putrid air...but what??
We then decide to explore the town and go down to the area called Laxman Jhula, just below our little hill, there are small streets, a big bridge, waterfalls of plastic bags and rubbish down the slopes, many shops, ashrams, classes of yoga, reiki, cooking, ayurvedic medicines, very new age, some gigantic temples, many hippiysh looking Western kids, all dishevelled and very very dirty, the unwanted children of Mother India, face encircled by Medusa-like dreadlocks, dirty bodies, hippish ragged clothes, all searching the meaning of life or just enjoying smoking some pot here....Many Indians pilgrims too, a busy activity, cows, donkeys, dogs, sadhus everywhere, a busy but quite pleasant little neighbourood. It feels less intense than Haridwar, quieter somehow, less people, less pilgrims...We stroll around, avoiding the jeeps, cars, rickshaws honking like mad, the noise is so overpowering, they all honk constantly and so loudly, nothing compares to that, Vietnam seems so quiet now in comparison. I enjoy the walk, the Ganges looks nice, even pure, we walk around then decide to go back to our hill as Fab is tired, fed up and we need some food and rest, we eat just around our little guesthouse, then reach our bedroom. We are both full of dirt, dust, this country is unbelievable, 5 minutes in the street and we are covered in a thick coat of dust!!! It is all too much for Fab tonight, he has to sleep, tomorrow will be better. I sit down and write, reflecting on those last few days here. A country of paradoxes really, love and hate, poverty and richness, spirituality and dollars-rupees capitalism, beauty and ugliness everywhere, dirt dirt dirt but also peaceful, beautiful women in their colourful saris, kids smiling, sweet little cows on the roads! Lets see what tomorrow brings us.

09/05
Today we go for a walk and stroll to another area, Swarg Ashram, a nice walk along the river, trying to forget the smell and the garbage falling in the water, looking, observing the people, the sadhus: sadhus are men who have abandoned their families to travel India's sacred sites and dedicate thier lives to worhsip, many look more like beggars to us...so many ashrams and yoga centres here. We stop in a nice bookshop and get some books about yoga, India and spirituality to get in the mood. Tomorrow we are entering a retreat in a small ashram outside of town, meditation, silence, yoga for a week. Seems exciting...we are also looking for a perfect place to adjust to India, feel OK here and rest a bit.

10/05
We take our time, get ready, I have been unwell for few days, stomach pain and feel a bit weak so it feels hard for me to leave this morning even if we both feel it is going to be great doing the retreat, in a peaceful setting far from the agitation...We manage to walk across town with our heavy bags, a challenge, many people, a bridge, many cars, cows, honks, noise and the heat!! Fab tries to negotiate a taxi to take us to the ashram, 6 kms away in the mountains but it is hard...We finally meet an Indian man who is going in the same direction and share a car the three of us....After a bumpy road and little journey on this jeep, we reach Phool Chatti Ashram. The ahram is in a fantastic location, in the mountains but very close to the sacred Ganges river. The ashram is formed of few little white buildings and our room while very basic (bucket shower outside) has a view of the river and some great mountains, it is so quiet and peaceful...We feel happy! Just nature, the river and this small spiritual place. Today we are free, we arrived early, we go for a walk along the Ganga, we look around, get used to the place...Some participants arrive too, we chat, discover...A nice day. We feel better, much more relaxed in this calm setting, the atmosphere in the ashram is nice and quiet! At 7pm, we participate in the temple pooja for the gods (the worship ritual) held in the courtyard, after the ringing of the bell (waking up the gods), we sing along for Shiva, play instruments and recitate mantras...a spiritual moment with the ashram community. The nigt is pleasant, we feel relaxed and happy here.

11/05
Today is the first day of our retreat, the induction day, we have the morning free then meet after lunch to get the programme, the rules of the place...Bucket shower cold, a hot day in front of us...This retreat has been designed to promote the integrated health of body, mind and spirit. It is a strong introduction to the yoga tradition, but not as we know it in the West, reducing it to the asanas (the body postures, the physical aspects of yoga), here there will be many yoga exercises, meditation, breathing techniques, contemplative walks and lectures on hinduism and yoga traditions. It will be interesting and challenging as we have to wake up and start meditate at 6 am everyday!!! After an intro, we are quite a big group around 25, many nationalities and ages, and a group of young American doing a retreat trip in India. First talk today then a first hatha yoga session! Hard with the heat but we both enjoy it, also commenting on the lack of flexibility of our bodies and their stiff ways...Diner all together in silence, eating the chapathi, rice, curd, vegetables and dhal which would be our lunch, dinner everyday for the next week!! We each get a massive metal plate with different compartments, a spoon and a cup, we have to keep them for the next week too and wash them after each meal with water and soap! Back to basics here....but we will adjust very easily. We have to go to bed early as the bell rings at 5.30 am every morning for the meditation...I cannot sleep, very excited, anxious too, some silly issues such as 'how will I manage to do a meditation session, some yoga and breathings excercises from 6am till 9m without breakfast?' Fab sleeps quietly and seems relaxed,I am pleased he joined in this spirtitual adventure and agreed to come here to experience it with me.

12/05
It is Fab's birthday and it will be our first full day at the retreat, hard to celebrate as we have to keep silent from the evening meditation (last time) until lunchtime...we make eyes contact, share few kisses and small talks in our bedroom but then ...silence!!! So hard to hear the bell at 5am, I rush to get a cold bucket shower in 5 minutes then the day starts....Meditation from 6 to 6.30 only half an hour but so hard to keep still, at peace and focus on your breath, I juggle around as my back is painful, my thoughts are mad, the famous monkey mind jumping from one branch to the next, and I feel sleepy...
We then do some chanting (recitating some om mantras) then some yogic cleansing (jala neti: nasal cleansing: warm salted water is made flow from one nostril to the next) to rid the body of mucus. After that, we have a pranayama session, some respiration control excercises to increase energy and focus. Then it is time for a yoga session, I feel exhausted today and find it hard to have nothing in my belly (even if I ate a mini banana at 5am!!). The asana practice is gentle this morning, some hata yoga, we coordinate our movements, stretch, do some asanas (postures), I feel so annoyed at my lack of flexibility but it takes time and our yoga teacher, Lalita ji, the instructor of the ashram's yoga program emphasis that yoga is for life, and it is only the beginning....I try to stretch properly and keep in balance, not do some wrong movements, a big effort! I look at Fab and he is really enjoying it.
Then it is 9 am and after this full on morning (and again it is only 9am!!) the bell rings and it is time for breakfast, I find the silence hard, difficult to be around people, to sit with them, especially Fab and not share. After this hour, we meet again at 10 am to go for a contemplative walk, we walk to a waterfall in silence, trying to look at things without labelling them, obersving them with focus and walking mindfully in nature...It is weird to walk like that and hard under the sun, a big climb until we reach the waterfall, many including Fab bath in the fall, I watch and relax...breaking the rules a bit exchaning few words with some nice people, including Katarina, an Austrian girl who has been travelling for three months in India, our room's neighbour. Back to the ashram, and lunchtime already, the same dishes are served, we eat calmly, we observe silence until after lunch, the joy of sharing, speaking and drinking chai!!! We are free till 3pm, we rest, relax in our room, sleep as we feel soooooo tired then we all meet again for the discussion and lecture time, we talk about yoga philosophies. Yoga means union, the union of the individual soul with the Universal spirit in the Indian beliefs. We could say that yoga is the union of the body with the mind and the mind with the soul.
I like the idea that yoga and meditation are universal, that they are tools for the spiritual and physical developments of the individual. After that we do an ashtanga yoga session, a more strenuous, active type of yoga, it is hard, we both sweat (the all group struggles and sweats a lot), the flow is quicker, the asanas are more challenging...I struggle and again am aware of my body limitations. Time for a bath in the Ganga, it is cold, and women have to bath with long clothes, so it will be just a careful cautious dip, no head in it....The river is nearly at its source here, so it is supposed to be clean, on top of being holy, cleansing you of all your sins and regenerating, so cold so very enjoyable though!! Bathing here is part of the retreat activities and feels nice....despite the clothes and my worries about the water!!
Little time until the ceremony, the evening ritual then dinner time at 7.30 (again the same but quite good, I guess we will start to feel frustrated after few days..)then a guided meditation before entering silence and going to bed at 9am-10pm!! We struggle not to communicate, to share our impressions, feelings, specially when we are in the bedroom.....hard to ignore each other but we manage to stay silent most fo the time. It was good but challenging too today, I start thinking again about the Vipassana meditation, the 10 days buddhist retreat in total silence and 10 hours meditation per day that I want to do in Dharamsala but wonder how I could manage as even two hours a day of seated meditation are difficult...Fab enjoyed the day too, I feels positive, he left aside the spiritual bits that are not for him but is determined to gain more knowledge and practice yoga as he is enjoying it....and loving the peace here, all very SHANTI!

13/05
A similar day, same schedule, waking up doesn't get easier yet!! We struggle in the asanas, in the morning meditation, some people fall asleep. We do some lauging yoga, laugh like crazy and it is really fun! The meditative walk is nice, we go to a small river, walk on some small paths, bathe, we relax then Fab and I come back early, to rest, relax, our bodies are aching and we feel tired! I skip the ashtanga session as I am worried I will overstretch my body and feel lazy, very bad!! Dinner time then the meditation is a chanting one tonight, it is all about vibrations. We repeat a mantra, sacred chant in a loop, nowhere else has the potency of sound been investigated as in India and it is really powerful. The Aum vibration (we sing the aum shanti shanti very often here) is so powerful and so universal!! I really enjoy this meditation, I forget time, place and get in a sort of transe...The energy is great in the group and I really feel some vibrations, energy going on...A beautiful strong moment for me...deep... Fab then tells me we sang for 45 minutes non stop!!!! I am touched and really wonder if there are ways to free oneself from emotions, intelligence and instincts...Bed time already...

14/05
Same routine, still hard to wake up, but the yoga sessions the meditation moments are great. I really want to play the game today and not speak but it is impossible as we are two. Fab goes for the walk in the morning, I rest, write, stay in the ashram. It is getting hotter now, hard to cope with the heat around 45 degres, the schedule and I really want to focus this week but it is not easy. The day goes on, again resting, yoga, meditation, talking to the group, very nice people from all over the world, Inge from Asutralia, Ralph from Germany, Pinard from Turkey, Lisette from Holland and Kevin from England, with Katharina are some of the people we really like here.

15/05-16/05
Days are very similar, with some nice moments, reading, observing the lightning in the evenings from our terrace, swimming in the Ganga, meditating. We both feel happy here, some sort of emerging exhilaration, we are happy to learn to control our minds, I personally really want to find peace in the only place possible in India: within me...Slowly we fall under the spell, we start to love being here, this ashram is special, the Ganga is tumultuous here, many waves, movements, the river is quick, running, and the mountains despite being so dry are still serene and beautiful. On the saturday eve, we have a big bonfire on the bank of the Ganga, as a present to the group each person has to sing a song from its country, we sing together 'la vie en rose'!!! Guitars, fire, some hippish kids joigning us from the rainbow beach (true!!, a hippish community living on a nearby beach!!). We finish the eve on our terracce a small group of us talking about trips, retreats, life etc etc...We go to bed, tomorrow is the last day, finishing at lunchtime but we have decided to stay few more days here to keep the peace and the quietness.

17/05
Wake up at 5am, maybe for the last time, then meditation, yoga, cleansing excercise, we then have to meet up all cleaned up at 11am for the fire ceremony...the final farewell as a group. We have been told to write on a piece of paper what we want to get rid of within ourselves (thoughts, habits, anger etc etc) and bring the paper to burn it during the ceremony...a bit like leaving in the Ganag what you don't want! We all sit in two circles, chanting some mantras and throwing soome special herbs in the fire, 108 times, before throwing our paper in the fire. It is a beautifl ceremony, a nice group vibration, we all feel a bit sad and happy at the same time, we take pictures, have a last lunch together and some of us leave. Some stay, we rest, we talk about what to do next, when to go, we go for a walk, a swim along the river then dinner and rest. Fab goes into town with Lisette and Kevin to look for train tickets, it feels hard for him to get back into the craziness. I stay in the sanctuary, enjoy the peace!! We are sad it is ending, we both loved it, the structure helped us, we aim to keep doing yoga and meditate to feel healthier and at peace. In the eve, one of the dogs goes missing and our yoga treacher Lalita-Ji is very upset, we all take our torches and go in search of the dog...walking in the darkness...nobody finds it, but it comes back few hours later!!!!!

18/05
We sleep late this morning, then Fab goes back into town to sort out the tickets, we are finally going to Dharamsala by bus tomorrow with Kevin, it will be easier to tavel as 4 people. I rest, go for a walk, watch the river, sit and read, Lisette and I go for a bath in the Ganga then last eve, we pack, feel a bit sad but excited..anxious too as it feels so peaceful here, we want to come back maybe before the end of the trip to the ashram as there will be no more retreats, just pilgrims and the staff.

19/05
We wake up really early to go for walk at 6am and do some pranayamas (breathing excercises) on the bank of the Ganga, so pleasant and the light is amazing, then we meet up with Kay, one of our teachers, she has offered to teach us a last yoga session, it will be ahstanga this morning on a balcony waching the river!!! We are only 4 of us, it feels like a private lesson!! So nice and energising, it is challenging, hard to keep the momentum from one posture to the next, so many dynamic movements but we are really enjoying it!! Sweat sweat sweat, last chai, last breakfast then we sadly leave the ashram around 11ish to carry our big bags on such a long journey...first we try to hitchhike to get to Laksman Jhula, after a moment waiting and sweating, we negotiate a jeep to the town, then take a rickshaw to Rishikesk then another bus to Dehradun!!! After few hours we arrive in this capital to find out the next cheap bus for Dharamsala has left before us, the next one is at 5pm and it is deluxe!! Well, we have to take this one, after a quick lunch in the dirty station, we board on our deluxe bus (a normal bus really but with AC and proper seats reclinable) for a 13 hours journey in to the Himalayas!!! The bus is full of Tibetans, very few Indians and just the 4 of us as tourist....we already feel we are going in a different country, Dharamsala is called Little Lhassa, MacLeod Ganj, where we are going, is the spiritual centre of exiled Tibetan Buddhism, and the exiled Tibetan goverment, the town of the Daila Lama, a tiny settlement perched on a ridge of the Himalayan foothills. It is a long journey, sinuous mountainous roads, Fab manages to get some sleep, I cannot, I have cramps in my belly, start to feel ill, and sleeping while the road is turning so much is not an option! Little hell but somehow manageable, the ashram retreat has made us stronger and more at peace, India seems easier now, we feel lighter, able to cope more and we even start to love this crazy intense place.